In my life, whenever I felt I had the upper hand, i.e. I had control over my life - I ended up not going to Jesus. Not that I dismissed him, but that I did not think I needed to go to him, since I thought I had control. And it was not deliberate either - it just did not occur to me to go to Jesus.

Jesus was far in the background.

But when I was in a situation whereby only Jesus could do it, then I had nowhere to go but Jesus. He was no longer in the background, but front centre in the foreground.

I find it uncomfortable to have nowhere to go but Jesus. And at the same time, that is the place closest to Jesus.